Jokes

            I’m fond of jokes, and I’m especially fond of the way many jokes begin – especially what are known as “dad jokes,” which I have written about before. These jokes set a premise, and it doesn’t matter how absurd or ridiculous it is – the more so, the better.

 

            Here’s an example: “A moth goes into a podiatrist office.” So, what are you going to do with that? What I enjoy is simply making the jump, accepting the premise. It’s like a big door has been opened wide, and I am stepping through into a very different universe. Good for me! I’ve heard that the same kind of acceptance is a good way to have conversations with people with dementia – just go with what they are saying rather than trying to correct them by saying, “No, that’s not what really happened.” (In the same vein, I read an article about “Eight Things You Should Never Say to your Partner,” and one of them is, “I never said that.” Agreed.) So, go joyfully with the opening of the joke as the opening of a door.

 

            Here are some samples:

 

·      Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven.

 

·      Two poets die on the exact same day at the exact same time.

 

·       A rich art dealer is obsessed with paintings of Lenin, and he has made his life goal to buy every single genuine piece of art that has the figure of Lenin no matter who the artist is or what the cost.

 

·      A head without a body floats into a bar.

 

·      There was a truck driver who had a monkey that was always with its owner.

 

·       Redneck in Arkansas calls 911 and says, “Help, I think my wife is dead.”

 

·      Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

 

·      Jesus is in the temple in heaven and he notices that the roof has a small leak in it.

 

·      A 6-year-old little girl comes to a pet shop and asks in a childish voice: “Good mowning sir, do you sell wittle wabbits?”

 

·      The little sapling in the forest, seeing its leaves were so different from all the other trees, turned to the nearby large oak tree to find out where he came from.

 

·      A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers.

 

·      A new inmate in the prison noticed different patterns of tapping at night followed by fits of laughter. 

 

·      Mother Superior invited Captain Phillips to speak to the nuns about a day in the life of an ace fighter pilot.

 

·      A boy was in the bathroom of a restaurant when a Navy man walked in.

 

·       A newlywed couple had just arrived at their marital home after a blissful honeymoon when the husband said, “Wife, we must have a talk.”

 

·       A blonde is sat by the side of the road, her Porsche having broken down. 

 

·      A fellow prayed earnestly every day, “Oh, Lord, please let me win the lottery.”

 

·      A bounty hunter rides into a small wild-west town one day, and heads straight for the Sheriff’s office to see if there are any bad guys that need rounding up.

 

·       A Police Officer gets a call on his radio about a gorilla was on a Lady’s roof, so he heads to the location, and sure enough, there really was a gorilla on the roof. 

 

·       Three engineers are having a drink at the local watering hole after work and get into a debate about the nature of God.

 

·       A Jewish doctor kept the foreskins of all the baby boys he circumcised in a preserving jar.

 

I could go on, because my computer saves all of my old email because I may need them some day – case in point.

 

            In case you are wondering, here’s how the opening joke goes:

 

            A moth goes into a podiatrist office. The podiatrist is a little surprised, but he tells the moth to lie on the couch.

            “So, tell me what the problem is,” the podiatrist says.

            The moth replies: “I feel that life is passing me by. I wake up in the morning and there’s an old lady moth lying there where once they used to be a young one. My wings are tired all the time, my kids are giving me hell showing no respect. I feel like I’m trapped in a web suspended over the eternal flames of hell.”

            “My goodness,” says the podiatrist” You seem to be in a terrible mental state. You need a psychiatrist not a podiatrist. Why did you come to me?”

            The moth replies, “I had to. Your light was on.”

            Meanwhile, we can see each arriving day as the opening sentence of a joke – and you are in it. The trick is to make it to the punch line.