4’33”

            When I was team-teaching Humanities, our music teacher told us about a piece John Cage composed: 4’33”. It was written for any instrument or combination of instruments, and the score instructs the musicians not to play their instruments throughout the three movements. As the title suggests, the composition lasts 4 minutes and 33 seconds. The concert room is silent, except for ambient sound from the audience, and perhaps the building. My sources describe the piece as “modernist.”

 

            Makes me wonder. Cage’s piece came about a year after Rauschenberg’s 1951 work, White Painting. (You can probably guess what that looks like.) I could possibly follow Cage’s lead in my blog and publish a blank page, and I do wonder at the response it would generate – most likely, concern for my health and/or computer skills. So – just think about it and I won’t have to do it.

 

            No, this is not about the healing power of silence in this increasingly noisy world, with much of the “noise” coming to us silently on our phones. But maybe there is something appealing about the simplicity of those 4 minutes and 33 seconds. Hard for me to say, for I have never attended a performance of 4’33”, nor will I, if offered the opportunity. (By the way, if I were to buy a ticket to a performance, I would pay with my invisible VISA card.) A live performance is probably not the same as listening to the piece on some digital device. Perhaps I have been listening to it while driving and never noticed. I suspect that a major part of the live performance is seeing the group of musicians sitting there, not playing their instruments. This appeal is missing in the recorded silence. 

 

            So, perhaps the appeal of 4’33” is not in what does or does not come to our ears, but rather what happens between our ears as we listen to the musicians’ not playing. Thinking, perhaps, “What the f***?” And is there some sort of bonding with the other members of the audience? “Audience?” The word derives from the Latin word for hearing, which is what does not happen here. I would think that people attending a performance might feel more like witnesses rather than members of an audience.

 

            Makes me wonder how applicable Cage’s idea is to other areas of our lives. When your wife asks you how you feel about this or that (her clothes, Trump, dinner – whatever), probably not wise to respond with 4 minutes and 33 seconds of silence. (It’s unlikely that the silence would last that long – unless she walks out.)

 

            Several weeks ago, Kim passed along a scrap of paper with these words she had found somewhere: “Someone that I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.” Kim says that this has to do with her ex-husband. For me, the darkness resembles the 4’33” of silence, like a door opening into an unknown room.

 

Joy

             This is a piece I posted on the blog about ten years ago. I think of it as a follow-up to what I posted on Happiness a couple of weeks ago.

 

Joy

 

            Kim from time to time wonders if I am happy. I am, most of the time, but as a New Englander with a Canadian father, I am not very good at showing it. I don’t laugh much, preferring to make others smile. I’m not a life of the party because I don’t go to parties. Our idea of a dinner party is sitting at the table with another couple, where Kim has taken the trouble to make the meal and the table itself special. My job is to buy, open and pour the wine.

            But happiness is not really the point. Let’s make a distinction between happiness and joy. Happiness is shallow and temporary – what you feel when you go to Disneyland, win at solitaire, eat a good piece of pie, or get laid. All good things, to be sure. Ambrose Bierce defined happiness as “an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another,” and while I would not go that far, I do note that the word derives from the Middle English word for luck or chance, and it’s related to pleasure. I think we can live more deeply.

            Joy, as I’m using the word, is that deeper quality of living. It’s also a pleasure, but a pleasure of connection. While getting laid might make you happy, making love brings you joy, and if you don’t know the difference, or how to express love, too bad for your partner. Sharing in the suffering of others – friends or strangers – creates a joy that explains the spiritual and psychological benefit of giving. We can feel a joyful connection when standing alone at the edge of the ocean, feeling its comforting immensity, an “otherness” that you can hear and smell and feel and see.

            When do I feel this joy?

            I am with Kim at Sweetwater Wetlands Park. She is photographing birds, and I am carrying my camera but mainly listening to the cries and calls and squawks and croaks with the late afternoon sunlight warming the grasses and the water, and spotting the odd butterfly or bird for my wife to photograph. Kim, who is thirty yards away and peering intently through her viewfinder, shares this moment with me, though she is not aware of the sharing.

            Or,

            It’s late (for us!) at night, and we are on the couch watching something from Netflix, and suddenly Kim’s pillow is on my lap and then her head is on the pillow and she says, “I’m just going to rest my eyes for a bit,” and I stroke her hair and then feel for the muscle spasms in her back.

            Or,

            I’m typing addresses on the Christmas cards that Kim made. I am, in a small way, part of the artistic process of Kim, and at the same time I’m feeling a momentary spark of connection with each name and address that I type. It’s a small joy, but a joy nonetheless.

            Or,

            When I was working at Starbucks a man in his 30s responded to my “How’s your day going?” by saying “Not so well. My wife asked me for a divorce, I lost my job, and I may never see my daughter again.” He opened his laptop and showed me a picture of his little girl. I turned from the cash register where I had been taking orders, asked my manager to take the register for a few minutes, poured the guy a free drink and sat down with him at a table for about 10 minutes of man-to-man advice (e.g., get a good lawyer, spend undivided quality time with your daughter, don’t burn bridges where you used to work). He was grateful for the attention and encouragement. About a month later he reappeared in the store and introduced me to his daughter. He’d landed a new job, and our Starbucks became his “office” for several hours a day. We never mentioned our conversation. We didn’t have to.

            This was a joyous experience for me, yes, because I was being a Good Guy, but mainly because I knew I was working deeply and seriously, beyond happiness.

 

Deertender

            I am Kim’s deertender. That’s the part I play. And I’m also birdfeeder, foxwatcher, and squirrelhost, but it’s the beautifully majestic deer that move me every day. Of course, feeding birds and deer really means feeding squirrels the cracked corn, apples, seeds and peanuts that I set out. I have trapped 45 squirrels to relocate in a cemetery across the lake.

 

            Feeding the deer and birds is a bigger job than it sounds. We have six different feeding stations, each requiring its own kind of seeds, which I take from the four metal barrels we keep on the back porch. We also have suet and seed balls. I go out to reload three or four times a day. Kim sees this as my gift to her.

 

            Why feed them? I’d like to say that I feed them because I am humane, and helping to save the planet, but I don’t think we are in any danger of running out of squirrels and deer, at least here in Michigan, though some bird species are threatened. No, I do it because they are cool to look at, cool for Kim to photograph, and they somehow make me feel closer to nature. I feel connected. And it’s a lot better than shoveling snow, lying on the couch watching Netflix, or sitting at my desk cursing at my computer.

 

            Anyway, here are a few of Kim’s photos, taken through the windows of our porch:

That's peanut butter I spread on a tree for the Brown Creeper.

Taking a break for snowman decoration.

The buck stops here.

Mother and Daughter

Beautiful!

The corn is hung from a spring, creating a bungee jump for squirrels.

Sometimes we get unusual winter visitors.

Deertender loading cracked corn.

We sometimes get snowed in, and we entertain ourselves by looking out the window. We spend a lot of time on the porch, and Kim calls me her "DEAR deertender."

Happiness

            A year or two ago we watched a movie, Hector and the Search for Happiness, about a disillusioned psychiatrist’s search for an understanding of happiness. It was not a very good movie, but I did find a list of statements from the film’s narrator.

 

·      Making comparisons can spoil your happiness.

·      Happiness often comes when least expected.

·      Many people only see happiness in their future.

·      Many people think happiness comes from having more power or more money.

·      Sometimes happiness is not knowing the whole story.

·      Happiness is a long walk in beautiful, unfamiliar mountains.

·      It’s a mistake to think that happiness is the goal.

·      Happiness is being with the people you love; unhappiness is being separated from the people you love.

·      Happiness is knowing that your family lacks for nothing.

·      Happiness is doing a job you love.

·      Happiness is having a home and a garden of your own.

·      It’s harder to be happy in a country run by bad people.

·      Happiness is feeling useful to others.

·      Happiness is to be loved for exactly who you are. (People are kinder to a child who smiles.)

·      Happiness comes when you feel truly alive.

·      Happiness is knowing how to celebrate.

·      Happiness is caring about the happiness of those you love.

·      Happiness is not attaching too much importance to what other people think.

·      The sun and the sea make everybody happy.

·      Happiness is a certain way of seeing things.

·      Rivalry poisons happiness.

·      Women care more than men about making others happy.

·      Happiness means making sure that those around you are happy.

 

You might want to share your favorites, or perhaps add something new.

 

Kim says that her happiness comes from making other people feel happy. And watching the snow fall at night. And riding around back roads after a snowfall.      

 

I prefer joy to happiness.

Have a Happy New Year!

    --David and Kim

Christmas Poem

It started with a birth, of course,

miraculous even without

the connection to something divine.

Birth is divine enough on its own.

 

Rebirth happens in December

when the first good snow swaddles

the dreary November landscape

in a blanket of shimmering white.

 

Yes, and it’s a birth when you

emerge from sleep to join me

in the kitchen, for a hug, coffee, and

then a shared hour at the window,

 

which this morning gave birth to

a rabbit, then five deer, a possum,

our elegant fox loping through

the miraculously dazzling snow,

 

and the sunrise across the lake.

Each morning the son of God is born

outside our window, into the light of day.

It’s our daily Christmas miracle,

 

silent, holy – so tender and mild.

We pause, and in our own ways

we sing our celebration and

worship the heavenly peace,

 

going out to the sacred woods

to nurture and feed our beloved,

our brother and sister creatures

who bless us each morning. 

Sometimes . . .

             Sometimes things just work out . . ..

 

            I was awakened by a loud bang outside. I went back to an uneasy sleep, got up about 6:30, and Kim came out of the bathroom saying we had a power failure, so don’t flush the toilets. Right. We lit candles and I took the flashlight outside to see if a tree had fallen on the house. Nope – all clear. After about a half hour of candles, we decided to go back to bed (yes, we put them out first). Kim went to sleep, but I was awake, listening to the wind. Then I heard a truck go by, heading down to the uninhabited end of our road. I got up and looked out the window to see a second truck. They parked about a hundred yards down the road, and I just knew it was the power company, fixing what was broken. About an hour later, everything came on, and I was overjoyed. I almost went out to thank the guys as they drove away.

 

            But here is the bonus: For two days I had been unable to watch regular television channels, probably because of some button I pushed on the remote. Probably something to do with the modem or router. But when the power came on, everything worked fine. Sometimes things just work out.

 

            Later this week, after I had my snow tires installed, a small light in my car’s dashboard was on, indicating low pressure in a tire. And sometimes the sensor was blinking. I took my car to the local auto mechanic, and he checked everything with some fancy electronic instruments and said there was a faulty sensor, and he would replace it with no charge for labor. We made an appointment for the next day. That day came, and the little light was off. The mechanic said it had fixed itself – as sometimes happens.

 

            I also learned that the cardboard snowflake decorations that I ordered from Amazon could not be returned, but I was given a refund anyway. I guess the $10 refund was less than it would cost to ship it back. We will give the snowflakes to a lucky member of our family.

 

            Also this week: I ordered a new credit card from our local Meijer store where we buy most of our groceries. We were to get a $40 credit the first time we used the card. There was, of course a deadline, and the card had not arrived in time, but there were instructions (“It’s as easy as 1-2-3”) about what the store could do to verify my identity and open the account. Except it didn’t work. A very helpful lady at the Help Desk spent about an hour on the phone, computer and cash register getting the issue straightened out. Somehow, we ended up with a $50 discount. We still have not received the credit card in the mail.

 

            Last week my wristwatch stopped working, no doubt because of a dead battery, which happens about once a year. I am waiting for it to fix itself, which will save me a long winter drive to the jeweler who sells and installs watch batteries. Meanwhile, I’m slowly getting used to not knowing what time it is, which isn’t all bad. UPDATE: Gave in and bought a battery. Got tired of looking at my empty wrist.

 

UPDATE: My tire pressure warning light went on again. Back to Lakeview Auto Repair . . ..

 

. . . and sometimes you have to make them work.

 

            So – how well does this “sometimes things just work out” function in the larger world of human relationships?

Under Control

            I just finished reading a publisher’s advance review copy of Everything’s Under Control, a delightful novel written by our classmate, Roger Mills. It will hit the market in paperback and e-book from Bancroft Press in late June 2026. The story concerns Luke, a retired trauma surgeon, living alone except for his beloved dog, AnnyBess (check out the story behind the name). Luke’s adult son and daughter ask him to move to an assisted living facility to keep an eye on his ex-wife, who lives there. The kids feel she is suffering from cognitive decline that leaves her vulnerable to a ruthless attorney who is scheming to hijack her estate.

 

            The plot, which has some surprising twists, is not, for me, the book’s main delight. It’s a character study, and I enjoy getting inside the mind of a guy my age – mainly, his attempts to keep everything under control, and then his success in redefining himself and his goals. Early in the book he is laid off from his full-time post-retirement job, a change that, along with the request that he move, makes him confront what his children see as the isolated and rather rigid bachelor life he has been living. The book explores his hard-fought effort to reclaim his life and his fractured family. It’s a book about second chances.

 

            There’s more. I am fascinated by the book’s portrayal of the way a trauma surgeon thinks – the appeal of being in charge of the O.R. and getting traumas under control. Luke has lost that position, and with it a chunk of his identity as he moves into a life that is not so much under his control. There are also some fascinating glimpses of the way attorneys can work a legal process, and, more importantly, how a fairly rigid and distant divorced father can connect with the children whom the divorce made distant.

 

            On a more personal note, it occurs to me that many people my age may be moving into a similarly rigid and isolated life. Perhaps we need to redefine our family connections. Let’s look for ways to redefine ourselves! No need to be rigid and distant . . ..

 

            The book is also a lot of fun. I really enjoyed all the reference to the music of the 60s and 70s – Matt and his son would work fragments of old song lyrics into their conversations. (I missed about half of them.) And I also enjoyed the relationship and conversations Luke had with his dog, whose responses were typically brief. The book is also sprinkled with brief quotations from poets and philosophers – showcasing the author’s liberal arts education.